Things have slowed down around here. I'm back to having very irregular contractions, so I guess what I was experiencing yesterday was "false labor." It's really funny how different this stage of the pregnancy has been compared to this stage when I was expecting Benjamin. I had zero contractions, and while he dropped early on (about 32 weeks) I had no indication he was coming except for a strange feeling that came over me about 5 days before my water broke. I was definitely expecting something similar this time around.
Again, I am having to remind myself that expectations are dangerous things. I am very good at not having expectations when circumstances are unknown or unfamiliar. I'm not so good at it when I have some experience to draw from. The good in all of this is that I am having to rely on my faith that God is sovereign over all aspects of my life. He is not surprised by little course changes or even complete "turn-arounds" - he planned it. If I believe that he is good and that he intends good for me, I have a responsibility to trust him. I too often do not act on that belief. I act as if he cannot be trusted - instead relying on my own limited wisdom for comfort. I am so glad that I am being reminded that my wisdom is foolishness in comparison to his wisdom. I do want him in control - now I need to act like it. While I am having to fight disappointment, as I was getting very excited to see this little face I have been dreaming about for 8 months, I can rest in the knowledge that God's plan cannot be thwarted and that it is the best possible outcome for me and my family!
I would so appreciate your prayers in this time. That God would renew my strength for the inevitable arrival of baby #2 and that he would continue to show me where I am not living out my beliefs. But most of all, please pray that I would let go of my pride and trust God's timing for all circumstances in my life. Thanks!
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